Sixth Sunday after Easter
May 5, 2024
John 15:9-17

His name was Matthew Marker, and he was my best friend. Kindergarten, first grade, second grade. We played at recess, we ate lunch together, we went to each other’s homes. He was my best friend. And then, as happens, my father’s company was relocated and we moved away. Matthew Marker and I told each other that we would remain friends, best friends, all the way from Los Angeles where he was to Dallas where I was going. 

You know how that goes. I never saw Matthew Marker again. Because I made new friends. New best friends. Third grade, fourth grade, fifth grade – we played at recess, we ate lunch together, we went to each other’s homes. Going into middle school, we were going to stay friends. But you know what happened. And in my life, it’s happened at every stage. High school friends dispersed at college, and I didn’t keep in touch. After college, I went to seminary, and made seminary friends. And who wants to be friends with a priest except other priests?

So when Jesus gathers with his disciples for the last supper, and he calls them “friends,” well, it means the world to me. Not only is this the Lord God Almighty, the Judge of my soul, but he is my friend. A friend. Someone you can laugh with, someone you can complain to, someone you can not see for weeks and then pick up right again where you left off. Jesus says to his disciples, “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” Jesus calls us his friends.

But as I look back on my life, as I’m sure you can, too, I can see different types of friends. First, I’ve had work friends. We might call these friendships of use. For instance, I’ve become friendly with the Trinity Church electrician. And believe me, he’s here a lot. Now, I don’t plan on hanging out with him, it’s not like our families get together, we’re not vacationing together. But, we’re collegial. We’re chatty. We can joke around. It’s a friendship of use, and it is good. It makes work less like work. But we both know that at the end of the day, I’m going to have to pay him, and he’s going to have to make sure the electricity works. Our friendship has a limit. Friendships of use.

Then we have what are called friendships of pleasure. These are the people I like hanging out with. The guys I play golf with every so often. The friends we have over for dinner. We have common interests – hobbies, families – and we have fun together. Or say, when you watch a football game, and you see a bunch of people with their chests painted for the team colors, most likely, those are friendships of pleasure. And these friends make like enjoyable. But again, the things we share with those friends have boundaries. Granted, fewer boundaries than with friendships of use, but they are still there.

So friends make life more bearable and more enjoyable. But, is that it? Is that what Jesus offers us? When Jesus says that he has come to be our friends, what does he mean?

Friendships of character. These are the friends who share your deepest values. These are the friends who are always there for you. When the chips are down, when things are tough, that’s when your friendships of character show up. They can hear everything you have to say, no matter how dark, twisted, happy, joyful – they are there for you. They can hold you to a higher standard, help you maintain a sense of who you are and who ought to be. Friends are there to stick it out with you when you are in the middle of the crucible. Jesus says to us, “but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”

It’s this kind of friendship with Jesus that we’re talking about. When things are bad, we go to God in prayer, hoping for a way out. When things are good, we go to God giving thanks. When we’re messed up, we go to God asking for forgiveness. When we are mad, we can rant and rave and let God have it. We can give everything to Jesus, and Jesus can take all of it, because he has called us his friends. And that’s what friends do for each other. 

But there is more. You know, that true friendship is a two-way street. You’ve had that “friend,” who only talked about themselves? Yeah, they aren’t actually your friend. You’re just two ears for them to talk to. And yes, while we can and should give everything, everything, over to Jesus, it is a two-way street with him. Jesus says, “because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.” This is the blessing of true friendship. We give and we receive. Even more so with Jesus. We offer to the Lord God all that we are and all that we have. And what do we get in return? More than we could ask or imagine. Jesus gives us everything that he has heard from the Father. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness. Joy. We give everything, and we get everything back.

So, I have two words today. First, know the difference among the friends in your life. And take joy in that. Some are just work friends, some are just football watching friends, some are deep, abiding friends. Some of them you’ll see at work, some of them you’ll enjoy hanging out with, and some will be there to hold you together when your life is falling apart. Thank God for each of them.

But the second point is more weighty, it’s the good news of Jesus, it’s the spiritual point. Because they are humans, at some point, friends will fail you. They’ll miss an appointment, they’ll forget to call you back, and yes, worst of all, they will abandon just when you need them most. Just as the disciples abandoned Jesus on the very night he told them that he was their friends. So when I read this story, and I hear that promise from Jesus on the night before he dies, that he will be my friend, even when he knows that we will abandon him, it means the world to me. Jesus will be faithful to me, even when I am not. One day, I won’t be friends with the Trinity Church electrician. One day, I’ll start playing golf with other people. But Jesus will be with us always, even to the end of the age.

So if we’re dutifully showing up to church, saying our prayers, and hoping to get something in return, then we’re treating Jesus as a friendship of Jesus. If we’re just hoping that Jesus gives us a little bit of joy in life, a little sparkle in an otherwise dreary life, then we’re treating Jesus as a friendship of pleasure. But Jesus calls us friends. Friends with character, friends with shared values, a friendship that extends even beyond the grave. 

I don’t know whether Matthew Marker, my best friend in second grade, even remembers me. Maybe I’m dear to his memory, maybe I’m a ghostly image, maybe I’m nothing. I could be any one of those things to any of my friends, stretching backward and forward in my life. Not to mention all that friends I have forgotten, all the relationships that vanished from me, all the friends that have come and gone. Truth be told, it’s kind of a relief; a relief that these frail human relationships don’t have to hold all that water. So it’s a gift, one of the best gifts of all, that Jesus would be your friend.